Today marks that day for us. Truly, I am blown away by how far Jesus has brought us in our marriage. We were young little twerps, just 21, and in love, committing to this thing called marriage. I don't anyone can ever be "prepared" for marriage and we sure were not prepared for what the cleaving process would look like for us. I could have never known the incredibly, "strong sense of self" that I have nor the incredible amount of relational idolatry that was in my life. Thats just a brief overview of some of the baggage that I brought into marriage and I am certain that Rand has a few that he brought in too ;)
So here we are 21, married, in college, and figuring out not only this thing called marriage, but really figuring out adulthood together. We were still in college and navigating that as well. Then I graduated. Started my first social work job. Ellie's conception. New apartment. Rand's graduation. Starting graduate school for me and Full-time work for Rand. Baby. Stay at home mom transition. Rand starts a new job. Rand starts an LLC business with Nick. First house. First puppy. Baby boy's conception. Pregnancy round 2.
Just looking at that makes me feel overwhelmed.
I don't know how we've made it through sometimes. Brutally honesty with myself. Brutally honesty with each other. A wonderful counselor who allows us to see God's mercy and grace. Truly.
So back to my walk.
I'm reflecting on all this then as I am today and almost mesmorized.
The journey we have been on has been more heartbreaking and pain saturated then I could have ever thought possible. But for the first time, I feel like I am more whole then I have ever been and more myself then I was ever before. The grace and mercy that I have encountered has brought life to words like grace, mercy, forgivness, repentance, and love. They aren't empty as they once were, but alive and giving me breath each day when I am certain all air is gone.
I was blind, and in many ways am still blind to the bondage that I was in. But I feel like I have new eyes to see. The new sturdyness that is emerging is giving me an ability to not only love myself, but love others. My husband. My daughter. Our crazy dog.
I feel hope as I never have felt before. For our family, future, my dreams.
I am so excited for the years to come, but both Rand and I agree that slowing down this rollercoaster ride we have been strapped into would be ideal...
We laugh at that only because I am certain that there will be no slowing down for quite a few years.
SO CHEERS TO THAT BABE!
Other things that come to mind this month is our little girl. She keeps amazing me more and more. Her ability to understand and comprehend the world just continues to grow and it is so fun to watch her independence emerge.
One of her favorite things to do is go on a walk. Right around 9 am she will bring me her shoe or my shoe and grunt or point to the door. She always goes into a trance on our walks and likes to help and hold Kia's leash.
She gets this intensity sometimes, like her dad. She will sit and try and put on her shoes for 20 minutes. Put caps on objects. Try and put covers on waterbotels. Dump water from one bucket to the other. Wrap her baby in her blanket. Dump little squishy balls out and put them back in the bucket. Push her baby around in the stroller. Open the screen door over and over.
She likes to walk down the sidewalk towards the park almost every day and equally as much likes to eat the pebbles at the park.
She can be devious and likes to get our attention by throwing food on the floor at meal time. This month we have started bed room time outs and I think she is picking up on consequences because she will shake her head after she throws her food on the floor.
She LOVES fruit snacks and couldn't get enough of the sugar snap peas from our garden today.
She loves her nana and bapa. When we turn onto their street she will start saying nana over and over.
When I get the mail in the afternoon she likes to color on the junk mail with her crayons.
She is starting to not be a fan of sharing her toys, but always likes to share her food.
She learned the sign for please and will feverishly sign this for the food that she loves.
She still LOVES kitties and her puppy.
She really enjoys using utensils and has gotten quite good with them.
Whenever she goes to her grandparents house she often go to her high chair and want to eat. They have trained her well.
The hardest memory from this month was this past weekend. We were spending the night at a friend's lake house and even after a hard day of playing, she skipped her nap, went to bed late, and was up from 1:30- a little before 6 in the morning. Rand wasn't with me and so I was just exhausted! I think being in a new place must have made her nervous.
As a family we enjoyed spending the fourth with family on Devils Lake. This upcoming weekend we will be spending time with family at my parents house with my sister and brother in law from AZ, younger sister, and parents and then we will be celebrating a dear friend's wedding the following weekend. Lots of time on the road. We also had some trouble with water in our basement this month. The eves over flowed over fathers day in june and we had to rip up the carpet to dry it out. Lately we have been having a hard time with our downstairs drain that attaches to the washer and that the garbage disposal and dishwasher flow into. Not very fun! Our budget allows seems to be tight since we just have one income coming in, but I'm grateful that my view of finances are changing and that they are turning into a team effort. To cut back on some expenses we started cloth diapering again and I have enjoyed the challenge, in some ways.
This month I also decided to cut my hair off. Pixie cut it is! I have never felt more liberated and love my new cut. My belly is growing quickly with our little SON and I often feel him fidget and kick through out the day. I am still able to do all the activities I could do before pregnancy and I am still enjoying exercise classes. I even tried bad-ass yoga ;). The idea of another one joining our family makes me so excited. I have been spending a lot more time learning about the birthing process and choices within it.
|23.5 Weeks baby.|
|First set of pigtails!|
|Proved to her dad that chips could be eaten with a fork.|
|Loves to eat with her Bapa!|