October Update: 1.5 Years//35 Weeks//Maternity Pictures

Well, its pretty real feeling. We are going to be having this child in about a month! That is probably the thing that is talked about most in our house this month, as we prepare for Him. Another big highlight this month were family photos. My friend Hailey has runs a photography business with her husband. This is the second time she has gifted us with her talent and precious pictures of our family.What a serious treat.  Here are a few favorites. If you live in the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area check them out here: Oak & Ivy Photography!

I love that we captured her smile here!

The bench where Rand and I officially started dating. 

Eloise is a full fledged toddler these days.
Honestly, some moments feel incredibly difficult.
Typically, those days are a reflection of my internal world and I am starting to savor getting the opportunity to enter that. She is helping to produce things in me that I didn't think I was capable of, well, really Jesus is, but Ellie seems to be a huge catalyst in the process.
Other moments feel like pure bliss. I look at her and am completely blown away by her.

Here are a few memories from the month:

She loves to say dadddd--ddy. It's a delight to hear.
Her independence is ever growing. She really likes to try and put her clothes on and absolutely adores shoes. Her shoes, my shoes, boots, heels, helping me put on my shoes, helping Rand put on his. Getting dressed tends to be a drawn out process in the morning.
She will randomly walk on her tip toes at different points.

She loves to run through the house, especially during playtime with daddy and Kia. 

She really loves her little tike car. It was going to be a christmas present but....

She likes to say "one, two, three, go" it comes out a little different but is adorable. She does it especially when she is about to go down the slide at the park. 

She prefers to not eat the skin of apples. 

She has been crawling on her hands and knees to play with Kia.
She understands a lot of different things, but has started being a little helper. She likes to help with dishes and throwing things in the garbage. 

Sometimes she will walk around with her hand clasped behind her back.
Her favorite body part is the eye. She likes to point at her eye and other peoples when she hears someone say eye.
She loves to eat Kia's dog food.

She loves popcorn.
She loves to find cutips and put them in her ears "like mommy". Oh boy.
The biggest transition this month has probably been her sleep patterns. She started having a really hard time sleeping in her big bed, so we had to put her back in her crib. The past few weeks her wake up time has been between 5:30 and 6. We are both hoping this is just a phase because were starting to get pretty tired! She is still doing two naps a day, but they are slowly getting shorter, as well. 

Poor girl's eye swelled shut from a bug bite.

Shes into eating apples. 

her and daddy. 

UND football game. 

Her new reading stance.

We shoot for biweekly baths...

Shoes...

Playing with our change. 

Therapy for mom and Ellie

Rand thought she looked like Nacho Libre ;)

Sassy at the park. 

As a family it seems we are adapting to our fall schedule. I feel like as soon as we have fully adapted well be transitioning again.
The words that come to mind for it are "It's the eb and flow babbbee".

Other big things this month have included trying to determine if we would like to make some big transitions to our birth plan.
We had a more traumatic birth experience with our emergency C-section with Ellie that have caused us both to spend a lot more time researching and determining what would be best for our family for this birth.  Just when we thought we were all set in our plans we have had new things come up that could change what we have planned now. It's getting down to the wire, but knowing I have a Plan A helps me to feel at peace. Plan B gets to be the fun part!

These things that I am talking about are huge things for me. As a recovering perfectionist and codependant the idea of sitting in the unknown and making decisions with Rand are like huge. I clutch control like gum to a shoe. Its incredibly exciting for me to enjoy the process of decision making and the unknown. Oofta. It still feels like ... I have my shoes on the wrong feet, most days, but things that were big no longer seem quite as big. Praise Jesus.

Other fun things this month for me has been exploring organic produce more, enjoying having more fun through managing our budget, making meals and cooking, buying Ellie a pair of Bogg Boots, purchasing a Boba Baby Carrier, going on fall walks with Ellie and Rand, enjoying the next season of Park and Rec on Netflix, and spending time making decisions with Rand. Rand seems to be enjoying some tinkering. He recently redid a full size ping pong table and purchased a few tools he had been searching for from some garage sales. As a family we have gotten to enjoy a few UND games and had a blast last weekend going to a local Pumkin Patch.

I BET BY MY NEXT BLOG POST BABY SEAY WILL BE HERE. AH!

31 Weeks// 17 Months

I'm finding there is more consistently to my day then I may have thought.
 I can almost guarantee that Ellie will want to watch Frozen and I can pretty much guarantee that I will be extremely uncomfortable most of the day.  We had a streak over the last few weeks of watching frozen 12 days in a row. I remember seeing it in theaters and thinking it was the most amazing disney movie of all time, but if it was possible, I would probably strangle Elsa, Anna, and Olaf.  The joy that movie brings Ellie is insane, though, so I think I would have to keep them all alive. She literally lights up and is glued to the show. Definitely her favorite thing this month. I'm hoping to make some alternative Frozen purchases so we don't end up watching the show everyday.

Other things we have noticed...

She loves to spend time with her baby. She pronounces it bee-bee and likes to bring it with her around the house and pushing it in the stroller.

Lately, she enjoys laying in her bed after her nap and when she wakes up snuggling with her blankies and burying her face in the softness.

She still loves to play with water in the sink.

She enjoys dancing to music. She associates my iPhone with music and will try and find the right app so she can start playing it and then move her head back and forth.

She learned to say the word "hot" and interchanges it with any sort of temperature change.

She has taken a few really rough tumbles. She enjoys parks and going down slides a lot. The other day we were at the park and she was a bit tired. When she gets tired, she acts similiar to someone heavily intoxicated and tends to stumble a lot. So she tried sitting at the top of the stairs a bit too early and fell down four stairs. It's so hard for me when she falls, my heart breaks! She was crying a ton, but determined to go back and do it again. Her determination is fierce. Her second time down she was still crying a bit and took a second tumble off a small step and onto the concrete. Bedtime came pretty quickly after that.

She really enjoyed the french fry feed and looked really intrigued during the potato bowl parade. She enjoyed watching the bands, especially, and tends to really enjoy soaking things in and saying "hi" to everyone.

Her hair is getting so long! Laureen gave her her first trim this past week.

She is really lengthening out. Put her next to your typical 2.5 year old and you may not be able to tell who is older.

My soon-to-be-sister-in-law took a few photos of our family in the middle of July. She is such a fun gal and I am really enjoying getting to know her more. Here is her website https://www.facebook.com/corinnenoellephotography and few of my favorites from our shoot.

25ish weeks

Loves pushing her stroller and "bee-bee"

She stashed her milk in the cabinet one day. Luckily, I found it!

Loves to wear the dog's leash around her neck.

Lounging, watching frozen.  

Rarely will she let me do her hair, but when she watches frozen, I can get away with just about anything. 

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The biggest delight for me this month has been watching her and Rand spend time together. I started working about 15 hours a week during a few nights during the week and on weekends, which means Rand gets a lot more individual time with her. During this transition, I have noticed it move me in a direction I hadn't even seen prior. I've been facing the reality that I do feel more valuable if I am with Ellie the most. I feel more secure and in control.
Not always.
But I am starting to differentiate my motivation on the daily.

Potato Bowl Parade. 

The other day I realized that part of my motivation as I was sitting with her, wasn't to just be with my babe, but because that I felt by entertaining her meant I was doing a "good job".
So that discovery exists. It makes me sad that I feel more value based on these codependent tendencies. But eh. I'm human, right?
I want my heart to truly know that my value isn't based on Ellie's mood that day or her needs. But I also want to learn what love looks like in the midst of her tantrum and her neediness.

Truly, it has been a treat to surrender some of that control. I find a deeper sense of trust and team emerging between Rand and I through it. Getting to taste Interdependency vs. codependency is like tasting that first bite of fresh cheese curd. Hmhm. It tastes good.

So cheers to more of that, I'm certain of the bounty of future opportunities that await me.

30 Weeks. 

Our fall transition is going okay. It seems like there is always an appointment, a project or something broken around the house. I'm getting more okay with being in the midst of those things.
I have a wretched time sleeping most nights. If I am not up going to the bathroom, I feel like I am tossing and turning trying to cushion my belly or ease the tension in my back. I don't remember this starting so early with Ellie or being this difficult.
I'm also noticing patterns in when he is awake, which is new for me. Lets just say this kiddo can move! We both can't really conceptualize what an addition to our family will be like. It doesn't really freak us out, but it's surreal to try and visualize another face joining us. We have a name picked out that we both feel we will choose. I get this intuitive feeling that he is going to be arriving a bit early, but I'm still not sure if that is just because I'm so uncomfortable or if it's mother's intuition.
 Either way, I'm excited to meet him.
I've started nesting and began working on decorating his room and taking inventory of what we have and need still.

Cheers to our two month countdown to you Baby Boy!

Third Trimester Swagger // 16 Months

I love watching our precious girl sleeping lately. I just snuck a peak at her peaceful little face before writing this. Her features are so dainty, soft, and full of a childlike innocence. This weekend we shifted things around a bit, namely, we moved her crib out and her twin bed into her room! Her crib seems symbolic of her fleeting babeyhood and her twin bed seems only fitting for the toddler of a little girl that is emerging.  We want to slowly introduce change for her so that things aren't too drastic for when her little brother arrives.

Another more precious memory is the time she gets to spend with her daddy. It seems like every time they are together he teaches her something new. His patience with her and desire to give her both independence and creativity captivates me. He was the one who got her to learn her bed was a place to sleep instead of a toy, showed her how to play basketball, climb up and down the stairs "safely", and go down the big slide by herself this month.

So... this last month.

She had her first hair cut after a fruit snack settled itself into her hair during her nap time. She likes to savor her last fruit snack or really last favorite item of anything and we have found this to be quite challenging at times!

She still enjoys playing in the toilet. She likes to stick her hands in and play.

She loves to try and help put her shirt and shoes on. The girl will sit contently for anywhere from 10-15 minutes on this one. I'm on a shirtless kick lately with her because it can often be easiest with all her waterplaying, but a few times she will have put her shirt on over her head and just have it dangling around her neck like a scarf.

Her favorite book is a doggie book. She loves hearing all the ways a dog can bark.

She has learned the word no. I'm not sure how many times a day I have to scold Kia and one day it just stuck. It comes out more like n-oooooo, heavy on the vowels. It is neat that she can express her will and I will often catch her scolding Kia when she does something she doesn't like.

Likes to color on the mail and help open it. Mail time is a serious event around here. 

We've noticed she continues to react to mosquito bites. They get pretty swollen and puffy just like they do on me.

She enjoys finding her belly button, mine, and Rand's. She also knows where her eyes, nose, and mouth are and is starting to catch on to other things.

She isn't a fan of getting her hair done... she tolerates bows, but despises it when I put her hair up in a pony.

Well often catch her standing behind her table in the living room where she has a more private area to go #2.

She really likes parks. When we are in the front she will often take off down the road wanting to walk to the park where her favorite things to do are go down the slide and eat the pebbles.

The last day of July she took a tumble down our basement stairs. No broken bones or bumps at all, just some tears. Pretty amazing!

Her all time favorite activity is playing with water. She loves buckets and dumping water from one to the other with all sorts of dishes. She can get really focused on this task and it is neat to watch her be so determined.

I enjoyed having her be my helper a few times in the kitchen with cookies and muffins. We got all sorts of messy, but it was good for us both!

Loves being in the kitchen and playing with water. Styling her double shirt look. 

Helping me make some muffins. Getting messy is good for both of us!

Sweet lady. 

Loves her fruit!

How kia enjoys the summer. 

At our good friend Omega's Wedding Fiesta. 

Summer really seems to be flying by for us. I'm savoring these next few months of long walks, trips to the park, flip flops, t-shirts, and swimsuit for clothing. Weekends like this last give me glimpses of the soon arrival of fall and eek, the babe! The month of July was full of summer travels. We enjoyed two pleasant trips to the twin cities for back-to-back weekends of family and fun. We enjoyed seeing my sister and brother in law from Arizona the first weekend. Croquet, a pro soccer game, and some outings for meals were all part of the fun. The following weekend we enjoyed a car-packed sibling ride with Alys, Bryn, and us. We got to see Bryn and his fiance Corrine almost every day. It's so exciting to have a growing family!

Diva Dash 5K. 

The past weekends we have enjoyed getting things in order around the house and spending time with Rand's parents and Kia. What sweet family we have. Ellie, Baby Seay, and I even got to enjoy a 5K together. Were grateful for our evenings and a littler girl who sleeps from 8pm-8am pretty consistently. Rand typically has a project or two he is working on and I ... stay occupied, most of the time. I've been trying out some new yoga stuff, finished seasons 1 and 2 of Orange is the New Black (judge me), watched my first season of the bachelorette and began experiencing withdrawal, reading some Larry Crab or stuff on Labor, and jump starting my nesting instinct through Pintrist. I've also been intrigued by human sexuality and why it is such a hush, hush topic, especially in Christian communities.

This beach ball look accurately describes how I feel as I enter this third trimester. 

The fall will transition us to a new schedule. Rand and I will both be taking a class on campus so our evenings will shift a bit before the baby arrives. I also just started a part-time gig at the local health foods store, Amazing Grains. It's a great change for me and a breath of fresh air to get to interact with the locals in the community and get to learn more about healthy living. It's just been a week, but I am pretty excited about it. The fall will also include intermural basketball and weekly business meetings for Rand, classes at the YMCA and some La Leche League meetings for me, homework, and lots of baby appointments. Were hoping to have some more details about my internship soon too so that we can finalize childcare for the upcoming Spring/Summer semesters of next year. Ellie just ate a bunch of wax candles, so I must scoot. Cheers to the end of summer!

My favorite people. 

Sweet family photos from Corrine. 

3 Years// 15 Months // 23 Weeks

Ellie and I like to take morning strolls together. Yesterday's walk was quite odd.  Its the middle of July and the weather was cold enough that I had on a sherpa zip up, over my sweatshirt and I was wearing gloves. What the heck, right? But it was beautiful and I was blown away by the flood of memories that fall weather brings for me. I found myself lost in these and thinking about Rand and my upcoming 3 year anniversary.

Today marks that day for us. Truly, I am blown away by how far Jesus has brought us in our marriage. We were young little twerps, just 21, and in love, committing to this thing called marriage. I don't anyone can ever be "prepared" for marriage and we sure were not prepared for what the cleaving process would look like for us. I could have never known the incredibly, "strong sense of self" that I have nor the incredible amount of relational idolatry that was in my life. Thats just a brief overview of some of the baggage that I brought into marriage and I am certain that Rand has a few that he brought in too ;)

So here we are 21, married, in college, and figuring out not only this thing called marriage, but really figuring out adulthood together. We were still in college and navigating that as well. Then I graduated. Started my first social work job. Ellie's conception. New apartment. Rand's graduation. Starting graduate school for me and Full-time work for Rand. Baby. Stay at home mom transition. Rand starts a new job. Rand starts an LLC business with Nick. First house. First puppy. Baby boy's conception. Pregnancy round 2.

HOLY CRAP.

Just looking at that makes me feel overwhelmed.

I don't know how we've made it through sometimes. Brutally honesty with myself. Brutally honesty with each other. A wonderful counselor who allows us to see God's mercy and grace. Truly.

So back to my walk.

I'm reflecting on all this then as I am today and almost mesmorized.

The journey we have been on has been more heartbreaking and pain saturated then I could have ever thought possible. But for the first time, I feel like I am more whole then I have ever been and more myself then I was ever before. The grace and mercy that I have encountered has brought life to words like grace, mercy, forgivness, repentance, and love. They aren't empty as they once were, but alive and giving me breath each day when I am certain all air is gone.

I was blind, and in many ways am still blind to the bondage that I was in. But I feel like I have new eyes to see. The new sturdyness that is emerging is giving me an ability to not only love myself, but love others. My husband. My daughter. Our crazy dog.

I feel hope as I never have felt before. For our family, future, my dreams.

I am so excited for the years to come, but both Rand and I agree that slowing down this rollercoaster ride we have been strapped into would be ideal...
We laugh at that only because I am certain that there will be no slowing down for quite a few years.

SO CHEERS TO THAT BABE!

Other things that come to mind this month is our little girl. She keeps amazing me more and more.  Her ability to understand and comprehend the world just continues to grow and it is so fun to watch her independence emerge.

One of her favorite things to do is go on a walk. Right around 9 am she will bring me her shoe or my shoe and grunt or point to the door. She always goes into a trance on our walks and likes to help and hold Kia's leash.

She gets this intensity sometimes, like her dad. She will sit and try and put on her shoes for 20 minutes. Put caps on objects. Try and put covers on waterbotels. Dump water from one bucket to the other. Wrap her baby in her blanket. Dump little squishy balls out and put them back in the bucket. Push her baby around in the stroller. Open the screen door over and over.

She likes to walk down the sidewalk towards the park almost every day and equally as much likes to eat the pebbles at the park.

She can be devious and likes to get our attention by throwing food on the floor at meal time. This month we have started bed room time outs and I think she is picking up on consequences because she will shake her head after she throws her food on the floor.

She LOVES fruit snacks and couldn't get enough of the sugar snap peas from our garden today.

She loves her nana and bapa. When we turn onto their street she will start saying nana over and over.

When I get the mail in the afternoon she likes to color on the junk mail with her crayons.

She is starting to not be a fan of sharing her toys, but always likes to share her food.

She learned the sign for please and will feverishly sign this for the food that she loves.

She still LOVES kitties and her puppy.

She really enjoys using utensils and has gotten quite good with them.

Whenever she goes to her grandparents house she often go to her high chair and want to eat. They have trained her well.

The hardest memory from this month was this past weekend. We were spending the night at a friend's lake house and even after a hard day of playing, she skipped her nap, went to bed late, and was up from 1:30- a little before 6 in the morning. Rand wasn't with me and so I was just exhausted! I think being in a new place must have made her nervous.

As a family we enjoyed spending the fourth with family on Devils Lake. This upcoming weekend we will be spending time with family at my parents house with my sister and brother in law from AZ, younger sister, and parents and then we will be celebrating a dear friend's wedding the following weekend. Lots of time on the road. We also had some trouble with water in our basement this month. The eves over flowed over fathers day in june and we had to rip up the carpet to dry it out. Lately we have been having a hard time with our downstairs drain that attaches to the washer and that the garbage disposal and dishwasher flow into. Not very fun! Our budget allows seems to be tight since we just have one income coming in, but I'm grateful that my view of finances are changing and that they are turning into a team effort. To cut back on some expenses we started cloth diapering again and I have enjoyed the challenge, in some ways.

This month I also decided to cut my hair off. Pixie cut it is! I have never felt more liberated and love my new cut. My belly is growing quickly with our little SON and I often feel him fidget and kick through out the day. I am still able to do all the activities I could do before pregnancy and I am still enjoying exercise classes. I even tried bad-ass yoga ;). The idea of another one joining our family makes me so excited. I have been spending a lot more time learning about the birthing process and choices within it.

23.5 Weeks baby. 

First set of pigtails!

Loves caps. 

Proved to her dad that chips could be eaten with a fork. 

Our son!

Loves to eat with her Bapa!